Picasso!

 

Masterpieces from the Musée National Picasso, Paris, are now on display at the Art Gallery of Ontario in Toronto.  It's a must-see exhibit.  I couldn't resist snapping this picture of Le Baiser or "The Kiss".... le sigh.

Better, Much Better

Last night I attended a screening of Take This Waltz at the Lightbox.  In case you are unfamiliar, it's the Sarah Polley film that premiered at TIFF last September, starring Michelle Williams, Seth Rogan and Luke Kirby.  The script revolves around William's character Margot, an insecure, anxious young wife who can't recognize the role she plays in her own miserable life.  Proudly Torontonian, the movie features many notable places within the city such as College St., Kensington Market and The Beaches.

Although Williams plays her character well, my favourite actor in the film would have to be Kirby.  As the seductive neighbour, I really did believe the chemistry he had with Margot, and even found myself a little hot and bothered by him at times.  So it came as a big thrill to learn that he was in the audience last night and was going to do a little question and answer session at the end.

Turns out Luke Kirby is hilarious... in a spaced-out kinda way (tee hee).  Not sure if he actually did rock the ganj before the screening, but at one point he decided to lie down on the stage and take the questions from that position.  A bit of an awkward moment, but I loved it all nonetheless.

Upon leaving the theatre, I saw him standing in front of me and suddenly had the urge to tell him something.  After all, this was the guy that played Angelo in Mambo Italiano, a character I really connected personally with (a closeted Italian struggling to understand himself and the traditional family he can't escape).  I shook his hand and congratulated him on his performance in Take This Waltz.  Then I said, "I have to tell you, your role in Mambo Italiano was so accurate. I saw half of my life in that movie."  He gave me a big smile and laughed while saying, "Thank-you."  Then, as I was walking away I heard him call out, "How are things now?!"

I turned around to respond.

"Better.....much better," returning a smile.

And I meant it.

And with that simple question, I like Luke Kirby even more.

NYE TOP 7

Just when I thought we couldn't outdo the infamous New Years of '09, my friend Katie pulls this fast one on us. Hastily planned but meticulously executed, this event will be known in history books as "There Will Be Blood."

1. The Disco Ball - I knew I was in for a good night when Katie presented a small disco ball to me at the front door. "Go ahead, fondle it." The ball would follow us to the bar and back to her place again. It was thrown down sidewalks, into traffic and at one point, stored in the front of my pants. When asked about its whereabouts the next morning, Katie replied, "I've been picking up shiny pieces of it all down my hallway!"

2. Cobra Comeback - Created for New Years '10, the Cobra is a dance routine that requires one (i.e. me) to use the corner of a countertop to support the subsequent dip-down, rise-up movement typical of a cobra. Flexibility in the back is crucial, as are kneepads if the performance is expected to go on all night. This year, there was no countertop so the corner of Katie's sectional was used instead. Being lower to the ground than usual, the task was almost too easy. Katie suggested upping the ante. "Smash this banana with your crotch!"

Dip-down, banana-smash, rise-up was a definite crowd pleaser!

3. Pinch and Run - We arrived at Fynn's of Temple on King St. around 11:30. Storage of our coats, a drink at the bar and we were ready for the dance floor. Surprisingly, the 19-year old DJ knew his crowd - it was all 90's all night. While dancing to a Black Box tune, a tall, dark and handsome man caught my friend Serina's eye. At one point, his back was turned to us so she took it upon herself to pinch his ass and sneak away quickly... just as I was approaching her. When he turned his body to see who had pinched him, he saw me. "That WASN'T me," I said with a visibly annoyed face. "HA! Yes it was!" he said, rubbed my shoulder and continued to dance with his friends. Crisis averted.

4. French Crotch - 5 minutes to midnight the bar staff brought out small bottles of champagne with straws for everyone. "Oh my god, it's FRENCH CROTCH!" yelled Silvi. French Cross Wine was a pre-drinking staple in our university years.

5. Why Did She Do That? - Flynn of Temple isn't a bar where people normally dance to club music.  The DJ mixed his tracks with a MacBook on a fold-out table in the corner of the room. When several requests by Silvi to play Notorious B.I.G went unanswered, she decided to walk up to the DJ "booth" one last time and push some of the buttons on his switchboard.  This subsequently caused the sound to squeal loudly.  People stopped dancing and looked over at the DJ.  Silvi walked away satisfied and all the DJ could ask was, "Why did she do that?"

6. There Will Be Blood - Everyone knows vodka makes me violent, but what drink does it for Silvi? Maybe she should be asking herself this. At midnight, I made sure to go around and kiss all my friends. After kissing Silvi, she insisted, "AGAIN!" and after that one, "ON THE LIPS!" Naturally, I just followed her orders. Fast-forward 30 minutes and I cheered my wine against her drink. "AGAIN!" she ordered, and after that one, "HARDER!" I knew my wine glass was delicate so I was hesitant. This didn't stop Silvi from clinging her glass against mine with such force that it shattered my glass. A random guy next to me leaned to his girlfriend and said, "That was an epic fail."

I looked down at Silvi's hand and saw a small trickle of red. She was totally bleeding, and then it started to gush. She needed to get to the bathroom ASAP. I turned to Serina and yelled, "SERINA! You're trained in grief counselling! TAKE SILVIA TO THE BATHROOM!" May I remind everyone that Serina is a social worker.

20 minutes later, Silvi's bleeding had stopped and they had returned to the bar. "Cheers!" said Serina as she banged her glass against my new glass of wine. SMASH! Another wine glass broken. No injuries reported with that one though.

7. Condo Mayhem - The night wouldn't be complete without trashing something. Normally, I would simply kick a traffic sign or knock down a newspaper box, but I have matured with age in this regard. Walking through Katie's elevator lobby, I simply grabbed the hand sanitizer stand by it's stem and rested it gently on it's side. When the elevator arrived, I threw my body to the ground with grace and rolled around with class. This behaviour would be repeated with Katie's Christmas Tree. She wasn't very happy about that one, but she'll get over it.

Happy 2012 everyone!!!

Kenneth Continued

Kenneth returned after nearly 5 months of no contact.  I was at a friend's apartment, sitting on his sofa, drink in hand, chatting up his roommates when Kenneth walked through the door.  He was dressed in a tight pair of jeans and a black bomber jacket, slightly opened to reveal a light blue shirt.  I may have gasped into my drink.  I didn't know he was invited.  Continuing my conversation with the roommates took some effort because I noticed him walking in my direction.  He gave hugs to those around me and I stood up to greet him as well.  Our hug was friendly, respectful....Cautious.

It was a fun-filled evening.  A large group of us walked over to a nearby house party, where I tried to mingle with as many guys as I could.  I needed to play it cool.  Didn't want to set myself up for disappointment.  He mingled as well.  In fact, it's safe to say we were the two people at this party mingling the most.  Later, we all went dancing and Kenneth offered to buy me a drink at the bar.  It was a vodka and soda.  Disappointment didn't follow.  Kenneth invited me back to the condo.

History really does repeat itself.  I would be lying if I said it didn't feel exhilarating to be back in the white-on-white condo again.  The same feelings I had in the summer returned, as did the cat who greeted me warmly with a brush against my leg.  I don't remember who initiated what in the bedroom, but both our bodies fell intertwined on his meticulously made bed.  It was good...just as I had remembered it.

The morning came, I woke up and his warm, smooth body was entangled in mine.  He woke up too, but was ready to repeat the events of late last night.  I was content to please him, but this time I couldn't climax.

After a quick change and a kiss goodbye, I left his condo once again.  Like last time, he had plans for brunch.  Text messages and an email were sent in the days that followed.  Some were returned, others were not.  Classic Kenneth.

Last night was New Year's Eve, nearly a month since I had last seen Kenneth.  It was midnight, the ball had dropped, champagne was poured and I was feeling pretty grateful to be amongst close friends in our usual pub off King St. West.  This gratitude manifested itself in the form of text, to Kenneth.  I had nothing to lose at that point.  I just wanted to feel his warmth again.  The text was answered.

An hour later and I was in a cab headed to his condo.  Just like the previous time, I was quick to please him, eager to do anything that extended the time spent with him.  Pleasing him this time was trickier however.  He had brought another person home with him - Andy.  Andy was nice looking, smart and funny.  Italian, like me, but not my type.  I had never had a threesome before so it was a learning experience.  Everyone was respectful to one another and although I tried to divide my energy equally between the two of them, it was Kenneth I was most eager to be with.  Throughout the experience, I sensed a real emotional disconnect, as is probably the case in most threesome situations.  Just like the last time, I couldn't climax.  Weird.

The whole charade ended with Kenneth walking over to my side of the bed and lying down beside me.  He pulled my arm gently, wrapping it around his body and placing my hand on his heart.  It remained there the rest of the night.

I woke up in the morning, suddenly overcome by sadness.  Kenneth noticed.  "Are you okay?"  "Yeah! I'm fine"

I wasn't fine.

I wasn't fine because I simply knew.  My subconcious already knew it and based on the outcome of both experiences, my body knew it too.  It took the morning to realize I had invested emotionally in someone that wasn't interested in doing the same.

So I'm selling my shares in Kenneth Inc.

History won't repeat itself anymore.  No more waiting for texts, emails or phone calls to be answered, no more waiting until the next time.  No resentment and no judgment.

I kissed Kenneth goodbye, and it was nice.

But on this first day of 2012, I realize I need more.

Because I'm ready for more.

Maybe 2012 will be the year I finally get more.

Kenneth

Maintaining a relationship has always been a difficult task for me.  Following contracts?  No problem.  I can follow rules.  I spend my entire day teaching kids to follow rules.  Rules are good, they provide clarity, they restore order, they keep us safe.  Relationships are like unwritten contracts.  You never see the conditions, yet they are agreed upon.  You never see the rules but you are expected to abide by them.  Some people refer to this as "common sense."  I refer to this as "chronic anxiety."

Kenneth wasn't special at first.  I met him once in the summer and didn't pay much attention to him.  We were out with mutual friends during the Toronto Pride Weekend in July and at one point we shared a cigarette outside a bar.  I asked him where he lived and that lead to a conversation on Toronto's hot condo market.  He had recently purchased his home in the village and mentioned it was featured in a local design magazine.  I requested to see it someday, not even realizing how this could be interpreted.  He told me he had forgotton his ID at the condo and was heading there in a couple minutes, if I wanted to see it immediately.  I took him up on the offer.

Kenneth has an adorable cat.  I learned this upon entering his condo.  She's white, fluffy and was totally content to just sit and stare at me.  The condo was also white and gorgeous.  White on white everywhere.  There's something about all white interiors.  They are clean, uncomplicated, and just.  I felt right at home in Kenneth's place.

The first time I carressed his cat, with the hairy side of my hand, she orgasmed.  At least that's what it sounded like. 

I know now that this is when everything changed. 

I looked up at Kenneth and saw the expression on his face.  It revealed a subtle satisfaction.  He liked the way his cat reacted to me, and then he quickly turned away to resume searching for his ID. 

"Can I make you a drink?" he asked me, emerging from his walk-in closet with his ID. 

"Sure." I didn't hesitate to respond.

Absolut Manderin mixed with sodas and newly lit cigarettes in our hands, we talked about our interests on his balcony.  At one point, I looked into his eyes for the first time and saw something beautiful.  I think I was seeing a warm desire on his part to know me.  To truly know me.  But hesitation and doubt quickly settled in.

I wanted to go back to the bar where we were before.  I stood up and asked him if we were going back soon.  He rose from his chair and invaded my personal space.  He leaned in closely and spoke only a couple centimetres from my face.  "We're not going anywhere,"  his spoke gently.  A quiet sexy voice.  And then he kissed me.  I caved.

I had an amazing time with Kenneth that night but the next day was typical.  I had a quick shower, spoke briefly with him about the weather, agreed that a coffee date would need to be arranged soon.  The sheets were already in the washing machine.  I was on my way quickly.  No need to linger.  He had plans for brunch.

I wouldn't see him again for 5 months...until last Saturday.

:)

Several years ago, I was living in a small apartment off Church St., around the corner from Ryerson University. As a student at the school, it was an ideal location, despite the rambunctious shelter across the street and periodic mice infestations. Often I would listen to the Village Voice Radio website while chilling out in my bedroom, writing my essays or killing time. A "hipster" station, it introduced me to some of the best independent music artists of the day. One band in particular was The Stills, who hail from Montréal. I remember hearing the song, "Still in Love Song" and feeling euphoric. It reminded me of the days I would sit in my parents' basement and listen to old disco records while daydreaming of the day I would be invited to appear on CityTV's Electric Circus, dancing before the masses. It reminded me of all the possibilities the future had in store for me.

Today, Village Voice Radio is gone and Electric Circus is off the air. Years have passed and I am no longer a student. 3 years ago, I decided to move to the suburbs of Brampton to pursue my teaching career. It was a responsible decision, as I knew I could no longer afford to commute and pay rent in Toronto. The time spent in Brampton allowed my professional credentials to improve while my social life fell to the wayside. By year two, it was becoming very clear I needed out of the burbs. After another year of planning, I finally arrived at my present situation - living in the west-end Toronto neighbourhood of the Junction, while commuting to my job in Brampton. I feel good about this latest decision, since I am getting the best of both worlds.

Appropriately, I spent my first Friday in my new apartment drinking a bottle of wine and listening to the Indie Music playlist on my iTunes. The first song to play was "Still in Love Song" by The Stills. After all these years, the song still has an affect on me.

It reminds me of those years writing esssays in front of the computer, thinking of the future and all the possibilities it had in store for me. Finally, I'm a downtowner again and I can plan for a life that doesn't just revolve around the daily grind. I know I made the right decision to move here because everything is starting to fall in place. While I'm thankful for the "responsible" years I resided in Brampton, I'm ready to live again. It feels good to be back!

Montréal Top 3

So I spent this past weekend in Montréal, attending Divers/Cité and showing the city off to my best buddy Nate who had never been before. I have never had a bad time in Montréal, as I had said in earlier posts, and spent significant time in the city talking with friends and strangers about future relocation. The experiences shared with Nate over the weekend were memorable to say the least, and only helped to justify my decision to move there someday. I originally wrote up a list of Top 10 Memories from the weekend but I realize there are other blogs for you guys to read on the web. Here are my Top 3:

Mile End Bagel Lady

On the Sunday, Nate and I took the metro up to Mile End, which I had read was a hip neighbourhood north of my favourite area in the city - Le Plateau. After walking what felt like 30 blocks, we still couldn't find an appropriate restaurant for brunch. We stopped a male couple who told us to walk to Parc St. We got to Parc St. and all we could see were tacky Greek restaurants and Jewish bagel shops. "I'm getting sick to my stomach," Nate says. A lady with a grocery bag walked by us so I stopped her to see if she could recommend a place to eat.

"Sorry, I'm not from this neighbourhood myself," she said. She then lifted up her bag and said, "but would you like one my bagels??? Go on, take one for you and your friend!" She was so eager to share them with us that we were stunned. "THEY ARE STILL HOT!" she continued. I just kept saying, "Vous êtes gentille, you're too nice, but I don't want to take your bagels from you."

The Condo

An acquaintance of Nate's, a cute guy named Cal whom he met in the Dominican, let us stay in one of his condos for the duration of the weekend. As we were driving towards it he warned us that it didn't look impressive from the outside. He parked at the side of the road, amidst some recently constructed loft condominions and I thought "what's he being all modest for, these lofts are quite nice."

Then..

"Shit! More grafitti!" Cal complained as he walked towards what looked like an abandoned, dilapidated mechanic's garage. "There's new grafitti every time I come here."

WELCOME HOME!!!!!

I tried my best not to look surprised that this was the building.

Luckily, the apartment inside was beautiful... it used to be a jewlery factory before he really gutted and renovated the place. By the end of the weekend, the place felt like ours and Nate and I did not want to leave.

Booty x2

After an eventful night at Sky on Ste-Catherine Est, Nate invited a guy from Philly to the condo. Being the good friend that I am, I decided to give them some time alone. "I'm going to the Couche-Tard (a popular Canadian convenience store chain which litterally means "goes to bed late"), I'll be back in 30 minutes or so," I tell them. I changed into shorts and sandals, poured a glass of red wine into a used martini glass and walked across the street to the pay parking lot. I sat on a concrete median and sipped my wine, glancing at my watch occassionally.

A skunk went by me and I stared at it jadedly.

Then my phone rang, and it was my friend Lynda wondering if I got home okay. I was explaining the story when a cute guy with red shorts walked by me. All I could picture was this guy's P.O.V. - Here I am sitting on a concrete median, holding a martini glass with wine in one hand, talking with my cell phone in the other hand, my legs are crossed and it's 5am.

When my wine finished I walked to the Couche-Tard only to discover it was closed. Couche-Tard or Couche-Tot? is the question I asked myself.

I walked back to the parking lot and the guy in the red shorts was walking by again, this time with a bag of groceries... where did he go? It was now 5:30 and the sun was coming up.

My cell phone recieved a text at that point. It was Andy, a cutey I made out with at Sky. He was inviting me back to his place. "Be there in 20" I respond. I go back to the condo and Nate's friend is just leaving. "See ya Nay, I'm going to Andy's!!!"

"Can I split a cab with you," asked the boy from Philly.

"Sure!" I reply.

We hopped in the cab and the ride was thankfully, not awkward at all. My morning with Andy proved to be great and although I'm back in Bram now, I can't help but picture being with him again. He seems to have got a hold on me.

Here we go.